Bittersweet - Chapter 22

He stood up to go change. He wanted to wear a flannel; his jacket was too warm and the shirt underneath was too cold. He closed the door to the other bedroom and he snapped a shirt into existence. He unzipped his jacket and pulled his other shirt off. He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and flinched.

__________ pushed the door open, "Do you know where-"

She froze, her eyes widening. He swore and pulled his shirt on quickly. He turned away. 

"Gabriel."

"Leave me alone."

She walked up behind him and put a hand on his arm. He shook her away and looked away from her again. She spun him around to face her. She unbuttoned his shirt and as much as he wanted to push her away, he didn't. 

She traced the jagged scar along his chest, and he cringed. She closed her eyes and let out a long sigh.

"What's it from?"

"War in heaven."

"You fought?"

"No, I got in the way. Some got theirs from fighting, Michael, Lucifer, Raphael. Those guys. Others screwed up and managed to mess everything up. Like me."

"I don't believe you." 

"You don't have to."

_________ wrapped her arms around him. "I guess I won't then."

He closed his eyes. "I'm tired." 

She smiled. "Me too."

He picked her up and tossed her onto the bed. "They can have the big one."

She laughed. "I don't think they care anyways."

Gabriel slid in beside her. "I suppose that I'll tell you now. When I was a little kid, like really little in your human age scale, like four, my Father left. I don't know where He went. He just left. I was left with my idiot brothers, who were so caught up in Father's absence they never really thought about me. I didn't really need them, but it would have been nice to have big brothers to talk to you know? They started fighting, about Father, about who should rule Heaven, who was right who was wrong. Lucifer hated the humans, I mean he hated you guys. He tried to end your race, what three, four times? Anyways, he started a war, and Father came back to tell Michael to expel him from Heaven before leaving again. Great parenting skills, Dad. I guess by then I was older, fourteen on your scale or whatever. I got what was going on. I understood what was happening. I was angry, I'm not gonna lie, kiddo. He left me with my brothers and they fought. It was brutal."

He paused, drifting off for a moment. He shook his head and pulled _________ closer.

"And then Michael and Lucifer got into a big fight, bigger than the ones I'd seen before. I tried to stop them and it almost killed me. I was such an idiot. After that I stayed away from the fighting. After a while I left, I came here. I was older, twenty, maybe. I befriended the people, became a Pagan god, and lived happily here until the Winchester douchedicks came back and fucked it up. If anything is salvageable, it's this planet and they're going to ruin it by turning it into a battleground for angels and demons and it's going to be hell on earth. Literally. But I guess I don't care. I don't care what happens to me. I hope you're okay. And Cas too, he's my favorite angel. He's a real angel. He's more real than Michael, or Lucifer or me or anyone else."

_______ nuzzled into his chest. "You're a real angel too."

He chuckled. "By definition only."

"That's why you don't talk about your past. You hate yourself, don't you?"

There was a long moment of silence. Gabriel didn't answer her. He waited for a while, until she fell asleep and planted a kiss on her forehead. He closed his eyes and felt himself slipping into sleep. It reminded him of how weak he was as an archangel.

He wouldn't gain his grace back by the time the Winchesters reached Elysium Fields motel, but he could do what he needed to with what he had. 

He wanted to be selfish, stay behind and take __________ away and never see his brothers again. But he wanted to be brave too. He wanted to prove himself to them, even if he hated them. He wanted to prove to Father that even though he might have left him, he still loved him and followed him. Even if his trail was a little warped, it still led to the right thing.